He treats me badly!

Natalie

I’ve been dating this guy for 8 months now and at first he was so wonderful, sweet and caring and I thought to myself, “where has this guy been all my life?!”

Well, as soon as he knew I was falling for him, the ‘real him’ just came out and the caring and thoughtful guy I thought he was seems to have gone.

He hates his life right now and it seems every chance he gets, he takes it out on me. It really makes me question if he really does love me and if he wants to be with me?

What can I do to make him see I don’t deserve this treatment, or is it too late to make him see he’s really risking our relationship and he could potentially lose me!

I told him he would lose me if he continued to treat me badly and all he replied was, ‘He didn’t care!”

Please help me Natalie, what should I do?

Tamara



Hi Tamara


I’m really proud of you and happy that you had the insight to recognize that your boyfriend’s unkind and unpredictable behaviour is affecting your self-esteem. I also commend you on having the strength to bring up the possibility of breaking up with him.

I strongly recommend that you follow through and get out of this relationship immediately!

For him to dismiss your feelings so coldly and to say, ‘I don’t care’, well, that’s exactly the kind of treatment that you just told him you wouldn’t stand for.

You asked me, ‘What can I do to make him see I don’t deserve this?” Well, the one person who needs to be convinced that you don’t deserve this treatment is you!
And yes, it is too late to make him see he’s messing you around and treating you badly.

Tamara, my advice- cut your losses now and save your precious heart for someone who will care so much for you he would never dream of hurting you.


Natalie x

I love my best friend!

Dear Natalie

Can men and women just be friends?

I’m in love with my best friend who happens to be a guy!
Is there a way to tell a guy you love him, yet still maintain a great friendship if he isn’t interested in you as more than a friend?

Thanks Penelope





Dear Penelope,

Thanks for your letter.

Telling your friend how you feel is incredibly risky!
The only way you can be certain whether it’s worth it, is if the possible benefits outweigh the risks-
Answer my simple Q’s and remember to be very honest with yourself…

1/ Is it real love?
a/ Do I really love him in a romantic way.
b/ Do I just love the way his attention makes me feel when we are together?

2/ Does the thought of kissing him make you-
a/ Feel very excited and have that feeling of butterflies in your stomach.
b/ Feel a bit weird, like kissing your brother.

3/ Are these feelings you feel for your best friend-
a/ Surfacing on their own.
b/ They are a direct result from a bad break up with an ex boyfriend, or a result of feeling jealous that your best guy friend has a new girlfriend and he’s not paying much attention to you?

If you answer mostly A’s, then try to analyze the following-

1/ If you met a few months ago and became best friends very quickly, and now you spend every moment hanging out together-there’s a good chance he feels romantic feelings for you too!

2/ If you’ve known each other since pre-school, it’s probably more than likely that he doesn’t like you more than a friend and you should stick to a platonic friendship. He probably doesn’t see you like that.

3/ Does he act flirtatious with you or does he act like a best friend or brother?

4/ Has he ever brought anything up-even in a joking manner about what it would be like to be in a relationship with you?

5/Does he act jealous when you’re in a relationship with a guy?


If your answers to the above lead you to believe that he might be interested in you romantically, then this just may be the start of a whole new chapter in your relationship.
Relationships that are built on strong friendships are definitely the best kind!

I hope my suggestions help you decide if it’s worth the risk and give you an idea of how to approach the conversation with him.

Good luck!

Natalie

He's getting Married!

Dear Natalie,

I’ve recently broken up with my boyfriend who I had been seeing for 4 years.
I thought we were going to get married, but everything turned upside down for me when I found out he was engaged to be married to another woman, and he never even told me!

I feel that I don’t have the energy to start my life all over again. How do I get over him and also be able to enjoy myself again and meet ‘My Mr Right’?

Please help me.

Diane

Dear Diane,

I want to firstly start by congratulating you!
It’s definitely not easy breaking up with someone that you loved and had been dating for 4 years. However, you should look at this as a positive opportunity to be given a second chance in life, and have the opportunity to start all over again. You now have a clean slate to work with. So get back into the dating world and don’t look back.
Keep yourself busy by going out with your girlfriends and accepting all invitations to parties. Take up new hobbies and just living life in general.

You must never rely on a boyfriend to make you feel whole. In reality no one can complete you and make you feel happy and fulfilled as a person, but YOU!
I am certain that you are a beautiful and smart woman with so much to offer one lucky man who is clever enough to realize your good qualities, and have you in his life.

When you start feeling down or start thinking about your ex, quickly stop yourself.
Star going for walks and catching up with friends for coffee, as well as organizing dinner parties and lunches with groups of people. Keeping yourself busy with different activities is always good for a healthy mind and soul.
Men are especially attracted to happy and carefree women, so make sure every time you go out to a restaurant and bar you always smile and anyone who takes your fancy.
You’ll be surprised how quickly the men will run to you, when you show happiness and confidence in yourself.

I hope this helps,

Natalie

Checklist for Mr Right

Dear Natalie,

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 months now, and I want to make sure he is my Mr Right. What are the signs I should look for in order to avoid Mr Wrong and get that 1 step closer to finding my Mr Right?

Look forward to hearing back,

Stephanie


Hi Stephanie,

Aside from following your instinct-as a woman’s instinct is always right…
Try out this quick checklist (below) of signs and find out if he is your Mr Right!

Natalie x

How to tell if he is Boyfriend Material? A Checklist of Signs:

Passionate
Does he have goals and dreams for his future? Is he committed to pursuing them?

Healthy
Does he take good care of himself (eat well, go to thegym, etc.)? Does he have any bad habits that are deal-breakers (Drug or alcohol abuse, smoking)?

Balanced Emotionally
Does he seem stable? (Beware of men with excessive ‘emotional baggage,’ or men withrage issues or out-of-control mood swings.)

Treats You Well
Does he treat you with respect and consideration? Howdo you feel when you’re around him - happy, relaxed,safe? If he makes you feel uneasy, insecure, controlled,or threatened, he is definitely not boyfriend material.

Treats Others Well
Is he friendly with his doorman? Is he kind towaitresses and generous with tips? If he’s pleasantwith other people it’s a good sign that he’s not justputting on an act for you.

Healthy Relationship History
What is his dating history like? Is he a serialmonogamist or the king of one-night stands? If hehasn’t dated much (or at all), that could also be a redflag. If you know other women he’s dated in the past,do they have good things to say about him?

Good Relationship With His Family
Is he close with his family? Does he treat his parentswith respect? Is he friendly with his siblings? These are all good signs of a quality man. However….Bewareof the Mama’s Boy! A man who hasn’t “cut the cord” withhis mother is nothing but trouble - either he’ll expectyou to wait on him and make his bed OR you’ll spend yourlife trying to live up to the perfect image of his mum.Either way, it’s not good - so get out now and saveyourself for a man who will make you the #1 woman inhis life!

Mature
Does he follow through on his responsibilities? If heblows off a commitment to stay home and play Xbox, he may not be ready to meet the obligations of an adult relationship.

Haven't been on a date in 1 year!

Dear Natalie

What’s wrong with me-I haven’t gone on a date with a boy in 1 year!
Please tell me what I need to do to find a boyfriend?


Seeking your advice,

Lynne



Dear Lynne,

The secret to a girl’s dating success certainly isn’t luck it’s Strategy! And everyone including YOU can have it too! You can enjoy a healthy and happy dating life-and you don’t have to have the looks of a supermodel to do so.

I know this girl who is not the most beautiful girl in the world but she always has the best of luck with guys. She is the type of girl you call a man magnet!
She rarely ever goes without a date on the weekend, but when it does happen, she’s definitely not stressing out about it, or getting depressed if her mobile doesn’t ring.
From the beginning, when she gets into a relationship it is a healthy and well balanced one and if it’s not, she’ll break it off very quickly and she will move on to a new, more worthy man. She’ll never spend a night eating her life away- scoffing down ice cream or chocolate cake, with a box of tissues on her lap, wondering why she can’t find a boyfriend. She’s always centered, confident and most importantly-happy!
When you are happy, men will flock to you, like bees to honey. It’s like anything you experience in life-the happier you are, the better things will work out for you in the long run.

The next time you are out at a bar or restaurant, remember to dress up and look your best and always have a smile on your face. Boys will look over the beautiful girl with the moody expression, and see your happy and bubbly expression instead.
Boys love confident women who look like they are happy and enjoying life, as ultimately they will want to spend their life with someone like you.


Natalie x

Take The Commitment Test

Dear Natalie

How do I know if my boyrfriend will commit to me and one day ask me to marry him?
We've been dating for 2 years now and I really want to marry him, but I'm not sure if HE does? What should I do?

Jennifer.


Dear Jennifer,

Try this test and your end score should give you a clearer indication of where you stand with him.


Natalie x


Does He Want Commitment?


1. Choose the answer that best reflects your guy's relationship history:


a) He's had a handful of serious girlfriends, but broke things off when he realized that they weren't "the one."

b) He's dated a few women, but the relationships haven't lasted past 3 months or so.

c) Cartons of milk have a longer shelf life than his so-called "relationships."



2. You invite him to be your guest at a friend's wedding that is six weeks away. He responds:

a) “Oh wow! that's a long time from now. I'm still trying to decide what I want to do tomorrow."

b) "Let me check my calendar and get back to you."

c) "Count me in! Tux or suit?"


3. You and your guy are walking down the street when he bumps into a good friend of his whom you haven't met yet. He:

a) ...introduces you nervously: "Hey, Davd, this is, um, uh, Jennifer. Jennifer this is my best buddy from college, David."

b) ...carries on a five minute conversation with his friend without introducing you or even acknowledging your presence, while you stand by, feeling awkward and dismissed.

c) ...proudly puts his arm around you and says, "David, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Jennifer And David replies, "Wow, so you're Jennifer! I've heard so much about you."

4. After a week of your guy acting strange and a little distant, you decide to ask him, "Is everything ok with our relationship?" He replies:

a) "We're fine. I've just got something on my mind that I'd rather not talk about."

b) "Everything's great with our relationship. I'm just really stressed about work. Thanks for asking."

c) "What do you mean by 'relationship?'"


5. When the topic of marriage comes up (hypothetically in conversation, on TV or in a movie, etc), he says:

a) "I could see us married one day... can't you?"

b) "Marriage is so old fashioned! I'm never getting tied down."

c) "Sure I want to get married ... Once my career is established and I've saved some money and I've had enough time hanging with the guys and done some traveling -maybe then.


Scoring:1. a = 4 b = 2 c = 02. a = 0 b = 2 c = 43. a = 2 b = 0 c = 44. a = 2 b = 4 c = 05. a = 4 b = 0 c = 2
Now add your points from each question.

If your total is:16 - 20 ..... 100% Capable of Commitment. While he may not be completely certain of what his future holds, he definitely sees you in it! Keep the lines of communication open and you should have no trouble staying on the same page.

8 - 14 ..... On the Fence. He's not opposed to the idea of commitment - he's just not ready to seriously consider how it fits into his life just yet. If you're in the early stages of dating him, you enjoy the time you spend together and are comfortable with just "seeing where it goes," there's nothing wrong with continuing to go out with him. Just be prepared to move on if you get to the point where you're sure you want something more serious and he doesn't.

0 - 6 ..... Commitment Phobic. Whether he just doesn't see you as long-term girlfriend material or he's got deep seated issues/fear about the *concept* of commitment in general, this guy is probably a lost cause. If he's so concerned with having his "freedom," you might want to free yourself up to meet someone who will recognize what a catch you are and is happy to commit himself to you wholeheartedly!